I have been hesitant to share this story on the blog. Hesitant for a number of reasons. Mainly, because so many of my friends have recently experienced miscarriage, infertility, and other trials. I've read a number of heart breaking blogs, talked to friends who are struggling with these things, and heard of others who are silently suffering.
But today, I woke up feeling like it was time to share our story. But before I do, I just want to say that I don't understand all things. I don't know why God answers some prayers the way we hope and others in a way we never would have wanted. But what I do know is that God is good. And He knows the end from the beginning. Does he often allow us to suffer? Yes. But I know from experience that those sufferings can draw us closer to Him and allow us to grow. Does it still hurt? Of course it does. Do we often feel angry for a time? Absolutely. We are only human. And I feel for those of you who are suffering and seeking peace. You will find it. God will provide.
So here is the story of our little miracle.
On July 21st, I found out I was pregnant. I still remember crying sweet tears of joy, and immediately sending up a prayer of gratitude. In an instant, my mindset changed. I took a picture of my stomach so that I could compare later. I made a secret board on Pinterest so that I could start pinning baby things without anyone knowing about the pregnancy yet. I prepared how I would tell Brad, and that night when I did, it was wonderful. We were ecstatic. At this point, I was about 6 weeks along. At the time, we were also planning a trip to Argentina. There was no risk associated with traveling, so we preceded with our plans, under the okay of the doctor.
I went to the doctor on July 30th. After examining me, he kept asking questions to make sure I was really 7 weeks along, as we thought I would be at that time. He told me that I didn't seem pregnant at all. I wasn't growing right. He couldn't hear a heartbeat. He sent me for testing.
I got a phone call on August 1st. It was the doctor himself. I knew it couldn't be good news. He told me the results weren't good. He said that I definitely was pregnant, but that I had either already lost the baby, or that I would soon. He said that there was a chance that everything would be okay, but it didn't look good. We ordered more tests. We canceled our trip. I entered what became the hardest week of my life. Between tests, I was a disaster. I was a weepy mess. I didn't want to do anything. Brad didn't know what to do for me, and was struggling himself. Every little pain in my stomach put me into fits of tears, thinking I was cramping and it was happening. But it didn't. I spent my days reading about miscarriage and what if anything I could do to help. We prayed. We fasted. We plead with the Lord like we never had before. We told our family members so that they could join us in fasting and prayer. We told a few friends.
On August 7th, I had a final blood draw and would get the results at my scheduled ultrasound on the 8th. To be honest, I didn't have a lot of hope. I was so emotionally drained from the week that my faith was lacking. Thankfully, Brad still held on to hope, as did our family.
And then the miracle happened. At our appointment on the 8th, my numbers had suddenly shot up. We did the ultrasound, and I let myself have a glimmer of hope. We both prayed silently for good news. And then we heard it. The heartbeat. The baby was only measuring 6 weeks, when we thought she should have been at 8 weeks, but there was a heartbeat! We cried tears of joy, praying to God and thanking Him for His goodness. We called family and thanked them for their prayers and faith. And suddenly I had hope again. I was still nervous throughout the entire first trimester, but now I could move forward with faith.
I went to the doctor here in Utah, expecting the baby to be at about 10 weeks based on that wonderful ultrasound where we heard the heartbeat... and another miracle happened! The baby was measuring 12 weeks, which is right where she should have been based on my original appointments. And since then, she has stayed right on track.
I don't know why she was 2 weeks behind in the beginning. I don't know why I didn't grow myself for awhile. I don't know why we had to go through all of that. But I do know that we became stronger because of it. And every time I feel this little girl move inside of me, I am so grateful for our amazing miracle. And let me tell you, we cannot wait to meet her!!
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Let me tell you, it is taking all of my remaining self-confidence to post these pictures.
I just keep reminding myself it's all baby... right?
How far along: 22 weeks!
Baby is the size of: A pomegranate. Which I think is kind of a random comparison...
Maternity Clothes?: Yes! And I think everyone should wear maternity pants. They are pretty much the most comfortable things I have ever worn. ever.
Stretch Marks: Still No! Maybe I'll luck out...?
Sleep: It's actually a bit better than it was. Still not at it's pre-pregnancy greatness, but better.
Best moment this week: Taking a day and a half trip down to AZ to watch my brother perform at the State Marching Band competition. It was so fun to surprise everyone. It was definitely a fast trip, which is why I didn't bother telling anyone but family, because I was there for state, and that's what we did. It was a blast! And Mesa High took 2nd with one amazing show. Go Jackrabbits!
Movement: Yes! It's a lot more frequent now that I notice the movement and it's fun. Brad was even able to feel her the other night!
Cravings: The other day, I really wanted frozen pizza and brownies. Weird, right? I know. But they were delicious in all their unhealthy greatness! I figure I stay healthy most of the time, so I could splurge for a meal, yes? I added a bit of green salad...
Anything make you sick/queasy?: Still fried food. Actually, that might not be true. I haven't tried recently. But the idea alone puts my stomach into fits.
Have you started to show yet?: Yes! I'm suddenly gigantic... One day I walked into work and one of the boys said "Woah! You are suddenly pregnant!" So there's that. You can even tell from the front now.
Gender: It's a girl!!!!! If you missed that announcement, check it out here.
Happy or Moody?: Still like before. Mostly happy, but every now and again, I am just strangely sad/mad/upset with no real reason. I just need a quick cry and then I'm usually okay.
Looking Forward To: Thanksgiving! We are headed to Idaho and are so excited to see family there, relax, eat way too much, and even make a few things for baby!! SO excited!!
Monday, November 17, 2014
Have we left you all in suspense long enough??
I guess I just haven't had time to make something cute until today!
So here it is!!
We are SOOO excited to start thinking all things pink,
deciding officially on a name,
and preparing to welcome this little girl into our family!!
Monday, November 3, 2014
I am aware that this blog has been suffering severely since I got pregnant. Sorry. But Now that I am finally feeling good, I expect to be posting more frequently again. I am also excited about getting back to posting about our weekly date nights. Just know that recently, Friday nights have gone something like this:
Brad: I have this really great plan for date night!
Kailei: Sounds great! But… (runs to the bathroom to be sick)
Brad: So... movie at home?
Kailei: (queasily) looks like it…
Brad has been a great sport about all of this! And the great news is that my nausea and vomiting are a thing of the past! We are going on 3 weeks now of not being sick! Life is good.
So here is the skinny on this pregnancy.
First, I will say that I am a little self conscious about some of these things… but with the family far away and their wanting to know these things, I decided that I could do at least one pregnancy post. If you aren’t even kind of interested, feel free to leave for now and check in on the weekends to see what we are up to!
How far along: 20 weeks today!!
Maternity Clothes?: Nope! But hopefully soon… I actually really want to need maternity clothes. I mean… I am half way there! I think I’ll go get some this week. My jeans are starting to get a bit snug.
Stretch Marks: Also Nope! Maybe once I start growing some more…
Sleep: Bleh. Not so hot. It’s not so much that I’m uncomfortable, but I’ve been having leg cramps and then when I do get to sleep, I have some pretty nasty nightmares. And then there is the fact that I have to pee a few times a night…
Have you told family and friends?: Yep! Which is why you’re reading this. If you missed the announcement, check it out HERE.
Best moment this week: Being able to go out on Friday night and still have enough energy to clean the house on Saturday! I know it seems silly… but it was SO great to not feel like I had to rest and sleep all day on Saturday to recover from a busy week. Energy levels are on the rise!
Movement: Yes! Nothing super distinctive, but just general flip-flop feelings in the tummy. It’s fun.
Cravings: Not really anything I’ve been craving recently. Some things just sound like they will settle well. Like eggs. But no recent real “cravings” to report.
Anything make you sick/queasy?: Anything fried. It’s just bad. Even after the nausea has “passed,” I just have no desire to eat anything fried. Up until about week 14, almost everything made me queasy. Except eggs. And bread. So egg sandwiches were a staple.
Have you started to show yet?: I feel like I am finally at a point where I look like I have a baby bump and not just like I have gained 5 pounds. Then again, a lady at church on Sunday told me that she couldn’t even tell I was pregnant… so who knows. I definitely think I’m showing!
Gender Prediction: For a long time I was feeling boy. But recently, I’m feeling girl… And Brad was feeling girl and now he’s feeling boy… so who knows. But we find out for sure on Thursday!!!!!
Happy or Moody?: Most of the time, happy. But every now and again, I get this mean streak…. I really don’t mean to. And I try to stop myself and just can’t… then I apologize and feel bad. But 95% of the time, I am happy and nice!
Looking Forward To: The anatomy scan on Thursday!!! We are beyond excited to finally stop saying “the baby” and be able to say he or she!!! Speaking of that… it’s time to make your guesses! What do you think? Boy or Girl? Guesses in the comments below!
Saturday, November 1, 2014
We had so much fun for Halloween yesterday.
We definitely kept it simple, but that was what was so great about it!
After some Halloween festivities with my kids at school and then some of the kids from church,
(with one of our favorite little boys from church)
I was ready for a chill evening.
So I headed to Papa Murphy's to pick up this fun little guy
Who doesn't love a Jack-o-lantern pizza??
Our cousin Melannie stopped by and so we enjoyed some pizza and started carving pumpkins.
It was a good thing that Melannie came around, because Brad was in the mood to carve
something super intricate. So Melannie started sketching away.
Pretty intense, right? We were very impressed with Melannie's drawing skills!
Melannie had to head out for her Halloween plans, and we dug into the pumpkins.
As Brad got started on his Hogwarts crest,
I decided I was more in the mood for a semi-traditional jack-o-lantern.
We took a quick break from the carving festivities to head to see Hocus Pocus,
which they were showing at BYU's dollar theater.
It was such a blast!
We hadn't seen it in ages, and I had forgotten pretty much everything about it.
So fun to watch such a classic Halloween movie.
From there, it was back to the pumpkins. Like I said, I went with something simple, so I was done pretty quickly. Then I enjoyed watching Brad finish up his masterpiece. And let me tell you,
it was pretty impressive! When we were both done, we admired our work for awhile.
In all, it was a great Halloween, complete with awesome Halloween treats from Grandma.
We hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween!