I have been hesitant to share this story on the blog. Hesitant for a number of reasons. Mainly, because so many of my friends have recently experienced miscarriage, infertility, and other trials. I've read a number of heart breaking blogs, talked to friends who are struggling with these things, and heard of others who are silently suffering.
But today, I woke up feeling like it was time to share our story. But before I do, I just want to say that I don't understand all things. I don't know why God answers some prayers the way we hope and others in a way we never would have wanted. But what I do know is that God is good. And He knows the end from the beginning. Does he often allow us to suffer? Yes. But I know from experience that those sufferings can draw us closer to Him and allow us to grow. Does it still hurt? Of course it does. Do we often feel angry for a time? Absolutely. We are only human. And I feel for those of you who are suffering and seeking peace. You will find it. God will provide.
So here is the story of our little miracle.
On July 21st, I found out I was pregnant. I still remember crying sweet tears of joy, and immediately sending up a prayer of gratitude. In an instant, my mindset changed. I took a picture of my stomach so that I could compare later. I made a secret board on Pinterest so that I could start pinning baby things without anyone knowing about the pregnancy yet. I prepared how I would tell Brad, and that night when I did, it was wonderful. We were ecstatic. At this point, I was about 6 weeks along. At the time, we were also planning a trip to Argentina. There was no risk associated with traveling, so we preceded with our plans, under the okay of the doctor.
I went to the doctor on July 30th. After examining me, he kept asking questions to make sure I was really 7 weeks along, as we thought I would be at that time. He told me that I didn't seem pregnant at all. I wasn't growing right. He couldn't hear a heartbeat. He sent me for testing.
I got a phone call on August 1st. It was the doctor himself. I knew it couldn't be good news. He told me the results weren't good. He said that I definitely was pregnant, but that I had either already lost the baby, or that I would soon. He said that there was a chance that everything would be okay, but it didn't look good. We ordered more tests. We canceled our trip. I entered what became the hardest week of my life. Between tests, I was a disaster. I was a weepy mess. I didn't want to do anything. Brad didn't know what to do for me, and was struggling himself. Every little pain in my stomach put me into fits of tears, thinking I was cramping and it was happening. But it didn't. I spent my days reading about miscarriage and what if anything I could do to help. We prayed. We fasted. We plead with the Lord like we never had before. We told our family members so that they could join us in fasting and prayer. We told a few friends.
On August 7th, I had a final blood draw and would get the results at my scheduled ultrasound on the 8th. To be honest, I didn't have a lot of hope. I was so emotionally drained from the week that my faith was lacking. Thankfully, Brad still held on to hope, as did our family.
And then the miracle happened. At our appointment on the 8th, my numbers had suddenly shot up. We did the ultrasound, and I let myself have a glimmer of hope. We both prayed silently for good news. And then we heard it. The heartbeat. The baby was only measuring 6 weeks, when we thought she should have been at 8 weeks, but there was a heartbeat! We cried tears of joy, praying to God and thanking Him for His goodness. We called family and thanked them for their prayers and faith. And suddenly I had hope again. I was still nervous throughout the entire first trimester, but now I could move forward with faith.
I went to the doctor here in Utah, expecting the baby to be at about 10 weeks based on that wonderful ultrasound where we heard the heartbeat... and another miracle happened! The baby was measuring 12 weeks, which is right where she should have been based on my original appointments. And since then, she has stayed right on track.
I don't know why she was 2 weeks behind in the beginning. I don't know why I didn't grow myself for awhile. I don't know why we had to go through all of that. But I do know that we became stronger because of it. And every time I feel this little girl move inside of me, I am so grateful for our amazing miracle. And let me tell you, we cannot wait to meet her!!