I think all moms go through a little bit of anxiety putting babies to sleep at night. From more minor things like an arm stuck in the bar of the crib to something as serious as SIDS, there are definite worries in the night time. I remember the night that we moved Kymri to her own room for the first time. She was 6 months old. Before then, I noticed basically every move she made during the night. She was literally 6 inches away from me since kept the crib right next to our bed. I could hear her breathing. I could open my eyes and know that she was okay at any moment.
But that first night that we moved her to the nursery? Rough. I don't think I slept a wink. I was in her room time and again to check her breathing, make sure she wasn't too hot or too cold, and just to watch her. I was worried that she would wake up and not see me there and be scared. I was worried that I wouldn't hear her through the monitor when she did wake up (she was far from sleeping through the night). I was worried that she would feel abandoned. As silly as some of these sound, they were legitimate concerns that I had at the time. I remember praying to God, pleading for Him to watch over my baby and to relieve some of the anxiety that I felt. I will always remember the answer that came: "You may not be able to be with her all night, but I can." In that moment, my fears and anxieties were swept away. There were still nights I felt a little worried, but not at all in the same level. I knew that a loving Heavenly Father was watching over Kymri. I knew that angels would attend her. I knew that she would be well. Then I was reminded of my favorite primary song:
A Child's Prayer
Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?
Some say that Heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:
"Suffer the children to come to me."
Father, in prayer I'm coming now to Thee.
Pray, He is there.
Speak, He is listening.
You are His child.
His love now surrounds you.
He hears your prayers.
He loves the children.
Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of Heaven.
I realized that I had been trying to get through my troubles on my own. I had been asking my body to do the impossible, staying up all night to watch over my baby. And I had forgotten this sublime truth: God hears and answers prayers. He loves His children. All we must do is ask. I could not protect my baby all through the night, but He could. He can. What a wonderful truth to know and to someday teach to my children. Pray, He is there. Speak, He is listening. For we are His children.